Change.

Something a lot of people fear. Something a lot of other people crave. It's really quite simple and happens a lot. Though it still evokes feelings of various extremes with in people. Personally all I want is change...

My life has been relatively meaningless up until this point and, I'll admit, it won't really have a chance to shine for a few more years. I'm only 16 anyway, so it's not that big of deal yet. However my life is filled with depression and rage. I can't explain why, it's quite unreasonable actually. Sure, I've had a pretty fucked up past, but how could a few choice events cause so much turmoil and stress and depression and pure fucking rage?

I want to stop it. I need to stop it. If I'm to go anywhere, do anything, be anything but a failure something has to change.

But what?

I don't want to be famous, I don't want to be popular, I just want to be me, and I want people to know who I am, or know something about me. Just a branch of me. I want to be known as that guy who did this. Not like some worthless name in the Guinness Book. Not some one who made something drastically life changing, but just a guy who if you saw me walking down the street you wouldn't pay me no mind or just think I'm some weird teenager attempting to attract attention.

I want to something crazy, something fresh. I like to write, I love to write, I life to write? No, not quite. I love writing and drawing and thinking. I want to take these and combine them and make something amazing. I want to cover a town in random items from video games and give the person who figures out what's going on a dollar. I don't want fans, I don't want... anything really.

So why do I continue to try to improve myself if it's all for not? I want to be known, and yet I don't. I doubt myself if I try anything and most things I do try end in failure. I mean I'm not perfect. I've drank, I've shoplifted, I've almost been arrested for stupid juvenile things. This doesn't shape me, it doesn't define me. If you looked up Adam in the dictionary you'd find "eccentric" not "criminal".

What does this have to do with anything?

I'm in an interesting mood, that's what. I'm not depressed nor am I angry, but I'm not happy either. I'm actually incredibly blah right now. Chill? Whatever. So why am I writing this? I don't know, nor do I really care. You'll read it, or you won't. Maybe you'll comment it, and maybe you'll understand what the hell I'm talking about. But you probably won't.

Does it matter?

Not really. Has this devolved into me asking questions and then answering them? You decide.

I'm Adam Simrell, and I'll never be famous.
-Adam